Holy cow, I feel like my brain is on overload with all of the things I need to remember. I finally broke down and bought a calendar/planner thing-yes I know, my phone can do that for me-but there's just something about seeing it all layed out on paper that makes me feel like I have a better handle on things. I used to be super organized years ago but it seems like it has slowly slipped away and now I'm just a jumbled mess in my head. I have high hopes for this little calender thing, haha.It better turn everything around! :)
So anyway, last night I was driving home and could feel the anxiety of everything building in my head, so instead of getting too caught up in my thoughts to where I wouldn't even remember the drive home and how I got from A to B in the first place(admit it, we all do that) I just turned the radio up super loud and drowned them all out. It had to be really loud to get them out too, haha. Oh my gosh, such therapy! I can't even tell you the last time I was alone in the car, like COMPLETELY alone, and could blast my music. I can't remember when I last listened to the radio, even, because the kids movies/music always trumps mine.
Anyway, listening to the music for those 5 minutes before I got home gave me this tiny awakening, and for a minute I remembered the girl I was 10 years ago, that would sing and dance all crazy with her friends and was brave and did things like crowd surfing and what not. I honestly thought she was gone...no seriously, I did. I'm so serious now and such a dang rule follower-I barely even speed! (my family teases me for being a grandma driver all the time) So to feel that little bit of life again was refreshing.
I'm not saying that I'm not living, that I'm just blazing through this phase of my life with no feeling at all, because that's certainly not the case and I love the stage I'm in with my family. I just mean that I was excited and happy to remember who I was back then and to know that I haven't strayed too far from what I was back then(maybe I'm a little more responsible now though? ha) and that I still have a little bit of that free spirit in there somewhere. I came home so happy and light inside and even when Devin laughed at me as I tried to explain it to him(admittedly, it does sound a little weird. You're all probably laughing at me too) I didn't care because for that little while, all was right in the world and the stresses that were burying me just 20 minutes before were gone. That calendar toting girl disappeared and I honestly count it as a blessing that I was reminded to lighten up and just have a little more fun. Be free Darci, be free! hahaha.
* Yes I know, I'm the winner of the most run on sentences in a blog. Whatever. :)
4 comments:
i love love love this!! we are on the level!! i just blogged about the same feelings, kinda. i'm glad i'm, not the only one!
just like Linds said, you're not alone!! :) The last few weeks on the drive to and from scouts I turn up my SheDaisy Pandora radio (have you found that app on your phone?) and just sing my lungs out!! It really IS therapy and I feel just like my old carefree self. It is so fun, SO fun. I haven't even told Mark about it because he wouldn't understand - men! They get to drive alone ALL the time, but not us! They don't know what it feels like to be free for just a few moments!! ha ha ha!! Loved this, Darci!
See, you're still a young freespirited woman! Wait until your my age and you find yourself turning off the radio because it's too loud :)
I feel the same way a lot of the time! My favorite thing to do is go somewhere by myself so I can turn the radio up really loud and sing in dance in my car. I don't even care who sees me! :)
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